Saint John of the Cross (1542–1591)
I live yet do not live in me,
am waiting as my life goes by,
and die
because I do not die.
No longer do I live in me,
and without God I cannot live;
to him or me
I cannot give
my self, so what can living be?
A thousand deaths my
agony
waiting as my life goes by,
dying because I do not die.
This life I live alone I view
as robbery of life, and so
it is a
constant death — with no
way out until I live with you.
God, hear me, what
I say is true:
I do not want this life of mine,
and die because I do not
die.
Being so removed from you I say
what kind of life can I have here
but
death so ugly and severe
and worse than any form of pain?
I pity me — and
yet my fate
is that I must keep up this lie,
and die because I do not
die.
The fish taken out of the sea
is not without a consolation:
his dying
is of brief duration
and ultimately brings relief.
Yet what convulsive
death can be
as bad as my pathetic life?
The more I live the more I
die.
When I begin to feel relief
on seeing you in the sacrament,
I sink in
deeper discontent,
deprived of your sweet company.
Now everything compels
my grief:
I want — yet can’t — see you nearby,
and die because I do not
die.
Although I find my pleasure, Sir,
in hope of someday seeing you,
I see
that I can lose you too,
which makes my pain doubly severe,
and so I live
in darkest fear,
and hope, wait as life goes by,
dying because I do not
die.
Deliver me from death, my God,
and give me life; now you have wound
a
rope about me; harshly bound
I ask you to release the cord.
See how I die
to see you, Lord,
and I am shattered where I lie,
dying because I do not
die.
My death will trigger tears in me,
and I shall mourn my life: a
day
annihilated by the way
I fail and sin relentlessly.
O Father God,
when will it be
that I can say without a lie:
I live because I do not
die?
St. John of the Crosstranslated by Willis Barnstonefound in “Poems of St. John of the Cross”
SacredSpace102fm was a weekly programme produced by "Come & See Inspirations" in West Limerick. The programme included inspirational music, chat, interviews, what’s on locally and not so locally and a reflection on the Sunday gospel reading of the day. It was presented by John Keily, regular panelists, contributors and invited guests. Programmes are available to be listened to online on our podcast pages.
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