It seems such a
strange thing, Jesus, for me to know that you desire my love.
Perhaps it is
because You know that I have a lot of love in my heart to give you.
It is a peculiar
heart, this heart of mine.
Sometimes, I think
that it is quite extraordinary, for so much goes on there.
At times I wonder
if others have hearts like mine and I am curious to find out.
Jesus, you made
this heart of mine and You know it through and through.
It makes me feel
so happy that this heart, my heart, is totally transparent to you.
It’s something
that I desire, Jesus.
I don’t want there
to be any shadows in this heart that I give to you, and in fact, perhaps it is
yet another sign of your immense love,
that you hide some
of those darker shadows even from me!
Maybe, you allow
me to glimpse just lightly at them,
because you know
that my weakness cannot bear to see darkness.
Thank you kind
Jesus, for if you show me too many shadows,
it might make me
feel afraid to go to you as freely as I do.
Jesus, I will do
my best to describe this heart that I entrust to you.
Sometimes this
heart of mine is brave and courageous, fearless,
at other times it
is timid and shy, lacking confidence and doubting everything,
even you -
still other times,
it is brimming with delight and bubbling over with excitement.
One day, tender
and compassionate, full of care,
at other times, it
is impatient and irritable, the least little thing triggering off a host of
emotions.
And then, Jesus,
you know it is full of sorrow - so full of sorrow that it makes me weep and
wonder why there can dwell within me such contradiction.
Some days it is full of desires to do good, to die a noble death for you,
and the same day,
the least disturbance shakes my foundations and I forget all my promises to
you.
It is a forgiving heart Lord, most of the time, but there are moments when even the forgiveness goes cold and then I realise that there is so much in me that needs forgiving, changing and cleansing and purifying.
It is a praying
heart Lord, it desires you more than anything else in the world,
it longs to be
with you, to break the chains that bind me -
and then the next
day those same chains are so attractive and I want to be held by them.
It is a loving
heart Lord, it knows how to love freely and to be generous,
and then it clings
to those I love and gets bruised and wounded -
one moment it
gives others space and then it judges and condemns -
It is gentle on
myself one day and a merciless judge the next -
and again I wonder
why it is
that such
opposites dwell in me.
Jesus, you are the one who knows this heart of mine.
You created it and
dwell there.
You are not afraid of the tangles and shadows and contradictions that are such a part of me,
in fact, you love
them and deep down inside this fascinating heart of mine,
I can truthfully say, that you love me in spite of them, because of them, for this heart makes me the person I am.
- Sr Kathryn Williams pddm
