1 Jun 2015

Offering of my Heart: A prayer before the image of the Sacred heart

It seems such a strange thing, Jesus, for me to know that you desire my love.
Perhaps it is because You know that I have a lot of love in my heart to give you.

It is a peculiar heart, this heart of mine.
Sometimes, I think that it is quite extraordinary, for so much goes on there.
At times I wonder if others have hearts like mine and I am curious to find out.
Jesus, you made this heart of mine and You know it through and through.
It makes me feel so happy that this heart, my heart, is totally transparent to you.
It’s something that I desire, Jesus.
I don’t want there to be any shadows in this heart that I give to you, and in fact, perhaps it is yet another sign of your immense love,
that you hide some of those darker shadows even from me!
Maybe, you allow me to glimpse just lightly at them,
because you know that my weakness cannot bear to see darkness.
Thank you kind Jesus, for if you show me too many shadows,
it might make me feel afraid to go to you as freely as I do.

Jesus, I will do my best to describe this heart that I entrust to you.

Sometimes this heart of mine is brave and courageous, fearless,
at other times it is timid and shy, lacking confidence and doubting everything,
even you -
still other times, it is brimming with delight and bubbling over with excitement.
One day, tender and compassionate, full of care,
at other times, it is impatient and irritable, the least little thing triggering off a host of emotions.

And then, Jesus, you know it is full of sorrow - so full of sorrow that it makes me weep and wonder why there can dwell within me such contradiction.

Some days it is full of desires to do good, to die a noble death for you,
and the same day, the least disturbance shakes my foundations and I forget all my promises to you.

It is a forgiving heart Lord, most of the time, but there are moments when even the forgiveness goes cold and then I realise that there is so much in me that needs forgiving, changing and cleansing and purifying.
It is a praying heart Lord, it desires you more than anything else in the world,
it longs to be with you, to break the chains that bind me -
and then the next day those same chains are so attractive and I want to be held by them.

It is a loving heart Lord, it knows how to love freely and to be generous,
and then it clings to those I love and gets bruised and wounded -
one moment it gives others space and then it judges and condemns -
It is gentle on myself one day and a merciless judge the next -
and again I wonder why it is
that such opposites dwell in me.

Jesus, you are the one who knows this heart of mine.
You created it and dwell there.

You are not afraid of the tangles and shadows and contradictions that are such a part of me,
in fact, you love them and deep down inside this fascinating heart of mine,

I can truthfully say, that you love me in spite of them, because of them, for this heart makes me the person I am.

Jesus, you are able to live with my contradictions, I want to thank you for that, and for being so patient and kind with me. Thank you for feeling at home in such a heart and help me to believe that in your own time, my heart will one day reflect all the beauty of the heart of Mary.

- Sr Kathryn Williams pddm